MOTHERHOOD - Part 1

MOTHERHOOD - Part 1

Every body expects every mother to be perfect. That is the expectation of every member of the society. I learnt this very early in my life as a mother.

My first son had what the medical world call 'neo-natal jaundice' in its lay language. None of the nurses who attended to me and the child during my 3 day stay in the hospital noticed it. It was at the point of discharge when we were to take the BCG injection that the schedule nurse took a look at the baby and said 'Madam, watch out. Its likely your baby is jaundiced'. Naturally, I was alarmed and disturbed. I went back to the ward and told the nurses who had been attending to us. They replied 'Who said so ? It is a false alarm. Don't mind her. Its not true.' They looked at my face and noticed I was still not satisfied and said 'Don't worry. If you are still not convinced, when you get home add a little glucose to his drinking water before feeding him'. (It was the era of baby friendly saga).

Reluctantly I took the baby home. Thank God for the schedule nurse. She was the Rescue Angel God sent to me. So my mind was on it. Jaundice? I did not have the faintest idea of what it is. That was my first child and neither of the two very experienced mothers (my mother and my aunt) with us in the hospital knew too. I complained to them that the baby was not sucking well and not taking the water at all. These mothers would reply 'How much food do you expect a baby to eat?'. I equally told them the baby was sleeping too much. They asked again 'What else do you expect babies to do so much?'.They did not understand; just like me.

The following day after we were discharged, my aunt came to visit us at home and I said 'Auntie, please lift upthe curtains and let me look at the baby properly.' Alas! The eyes were completely yellow. And for the first time I noticed the urine on the napkin was yellow. 'What! Auntie, oya! Hospital ya!'. We took off immediately and returned to the hospital where we left only a day before.

The nurse on the table (not one of the ones on duty the previous day) took one look at the baby in my hand and said 'i bo lo wa ti omo da ba yii mo e lo wo? You must be a careless mother'. (Where were you when your baby turned to this?). Since that day through out my childbearing years, I fought against ever being labelled a 'careless mother'.

Deep down in my mind, I knew it was not my fault. Why did they not notice until another nurse pointed it out? Why did the nurses not call the attention of the doctor to it and were so quick to discharge me? Why did they assure me that all was well? At the end of the day, they tagged me 'a careless mother'.

That is the picture of a mother against the world. When the child turns out bad, nobody wants to know what factors turned him into what he is. Nobody cares to find out the details. You as the mother is expected to know all things, to be able to do all things right. In fact, the mother is supposed to be Mrs Fix It in the life of the child. Like the nurses expected me to know the signs of jaundice and blamed me for their own (ir)responsibility. Even when the other conditions around do not favour the proper upbringing of the child and his general well being, the blame will majorly be that of the mother.

A mother is expected to be a physician, a psychologist, a priest, a counsellor, a teachet etc but particularly a mother.

So what is motherhood?

(Stay tuned for Part 2).

- Mrs. Grace Ebe Olumodeji