What you are about to read was written on the 14th of July 2004. Eleven years ago, I was a student of Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife. It was on that Campus I accepted Christ Jesus as Saviour and Lord.
At this point in time, my spirit was low...
Please read on...
BEAUTIFUL STORY
"Every life is a beautiful story only if somebody would write it' - Adeolu O. V
No one appears interested in mine, so I decided to write it myself. Every one has a story to tell and very few has the time to write. And it is amazing how fewer people show interest in reading them these days. Well, if you happen to read this, thank you.
Have you ever seen a balloon - a full blown balloon? Have you ever watched it struggle when the air inside it is released? That is the picture of a life that is fast losing substance. That is the story of a man of many papers and little or no action. That is my story. Beautiful story?
Life took a dramatic turn towards the end of 1999 when I offered my life to Christ. It was an experience I will never forget. In as much as I recognized the soveriegnty of God in drawing me to Himself, I also realised that I had few options. The other alternative was to refuse Christ and die a few days after. Oh yes. The way life was going for me then, it was either death or an empty life that was ahead. Something inside of me still wanted to live- but I would rather die than live empty. So if Jesus was offering a full, satisfying life, I was willing to give it a try. I am being honest please.
That encounter with Christ was dramatic. It was an encouragement to many. I was so passionate about my new found life to the point I had thought I would not marry. Christ was all there is to me.
I had lived all those years seeking for the will of God. And dear, though I have not found the will of God, I did lose mine. I do hope you understand I am not talking of marriage. I am talking of the full and satisfying life I so much coveted. It is as if the empty life I had dreaded is where I suddenly find myself. And the truth is, I do not know what to do.
What is the life I count as empty? Not the life without Christ as I once thought. It is a life without a passion for a purpose. I know now that passion for anything at all is better than no passion at all. It is now that I realised that all my confessions were not convinctions and like the mist that clears of when the sun rises, I am left void. The picture of the earth in Genesis 1:2 may be better than what my heart presents to me about myself. I only wonder if God will speak now the way He did in Genesis 1:3.
There is something to take note of, however. I may have lost all other convinctions, but I still have one. That is, there is God and He is still very much in charge of His creation. That convinction happens to confuse me too, because if God is very much in charge, why does He watch me lose charge of my life? I just wonder.
I do not hate myself. I only hate my state. I had longed for character until I lost all my charisma. I lost all my skills. I thought God would do some things for me only to realise I was meant to do them myself. I do not hate God. Who would dare? I only agree that I do not know Him enough. All the things that used to give me confidence are now sources of doubts. I fear that I am sailing into oblivion.
I could conceal these emotions and pretend all is well. After all that is what Christianity has come to mean. But I fear my void would soon be known. I cannot imagine the shame. Did I not confess Jesus was all I ever needed? But I still do not prefer death. Like Job, all the days of my life will I wait until my change comes. I want to live. I want to live full. Is there anything you can do for me? Would you talk to God about me? Would you talk to me about me? If you could do more than talk- the better. But what can that be? What can take me off this roller coaster?
This is my problem. I still trust this God- so foolishly. You will see when my story changes. By then you might get really excited, willing to write my story for what it would turn out to be- a beautiful story.
Thank you for reading.
At this point in time, my spirit was low...
Please read on...
BEAUTIFUL STORY
"Every life is a beautiful story only if somebody would write it' - Adeolu O. V
No one appears interested in mine, so I decided to write it myself. Every one has a story to tell and very few has the time to write. And it is amazing how fewer people show interest in reading them these days. Well, if you happen to read this, thank you.
Have you ever seen a balloon - a full blown balloon? Have you ever watched it struggle when the air inside it is released? That is the picture of a life that is fast losing substance. That is the story of a man of many papers and little or no action. That is my story. Beautiful story?
Life took a dramatic turn towards the end of 1999 when I offered my life to Christ. It was an experience I will never forget. In as much as I recognized the soveriegnty of God in drawing me to Himself, I also realised that I had few options. The other alternative was to refuse Christ and die a few days after. Oh yes. The way life was going for me then, it was either death or an empty life that was ahead. Something inside of me still wanted to live- but I would rather die than live empty. So if Jesus was offering a full, satisfying life, I was willing to give it a try. I am being honest please.
That encounter with Christ was dramatic. It was an encouragement to many. I was so passionate about my new found life to the point I had thought I would not marry. Christ was all there is to me.
I had lived all those years seeking for the will of God. And dear, though I have not found the will of God, I did lose mine. I do hope you understand I am not talking of marriage. I am talking of the full and satisfying life I so much coveted. It is as if the empty life I had dreaded is where I suddenly find myself. And the truth is, I do not know what to do.
What is the life I count as empty? Not the life without Christ as I once thought. It is a life without a passion for a purpose. I know now that passion for anything at all is better than no passion at all. It is now that I realised that all my confessions were not convinctions and like the mist that clears of when the sun rises, I am left void. The picture of the earth in Genesis 1:2 may be better than what my heart presents to me about myself. I only wonder if God will speak now the way He did in Genesis 1:3.
There is something to take note of, however. I may have lost all other convinctions, but I still have one. That is, there is God and He is still very much in charge of His creation. That convinction happens to confuse me too, because if God is very much in charge, why does He watch me lose charge of my life? I just wonder.
I do not hate myself. I only hate my state. I had longed for character until I lost all my charisma. I lost all my skills. I thought God would do some things for me only to realise I was meant to do them myself. I do not hate God. Who would dare? I only agree that I do not know Him enough. All the things that used to give me confidence are now sources of doubts. I fear that I am sailing into oblivion.
I could conceal these emotions and pretend all is well. After all that is what Christianity has come to mean. But I fear my void would soon be known. I cannot imagine the shame. Did I not confess Jesus was all I ever needed? But I still do not prefer death. Like Job, all the days of my life will I wait until my change comes. I want to live. I want to live full. Is there anything you can do for me? Would you talk to God about me? Would you talk to me about me? If you could do more than talk- the better. But what can that be? What can take me off this roller coaster?
This is my problem. I still trust this God- so foolishly. You will see when my story changes. By then you might get really excited, willing to write my story for what it would turn out to be- a beautiful story.
Thank you for reading.
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